"Fear"

This poem is about just that … fear.  What it does to me and what it is to me.  I am well aware that it holds me back and prevents me from getting to where I want to be.  And like every other self-loathing person, I hate myself for feeling this way and so the cycle continues.

My wonderful husband suggested that I write about the fear itself in an effort to let it go and finally put it behind me.  And that is what when it occurred to me that he may not only be right but there are plenty of people who can identify with feeling this way.

Hopefully, if you have and/or do feel this way … you can find solace in the knowledge that you are far from alone …

Fear

 Standing before you I feel naked and insecure.  I feel like a newborn that is vulnerable to the world around her.  I am defenseless to the cruelty, oblivious to the harshness, only hoping for acceptance from a universe that I no longer fit in.

I try to force my thoughts away from the noise and doubts in my head but, they creep in like an insidious disease that is taking over my being.  It is making me sick into the depths of my core.  This disease now starts to affect my body too.  It begins with sweaty palms and an uncontrollable quiver.  But, soon enough, the quiver turns into a shake and the butterflies in my stomach turn into a flock of birds.

Self-doubt and voices of long ago are now ringing in my ears, telling me, “you can’t”, “you’ll fail”, “you’re not good”, “you suck”, and “why are you doing this?”  All of their hurtful words replay in my mind, echoing through me, piercing my heart like darts on a board.

No! Not this time! This time is for me!

Deep down, I know the truth.  I know that I can!  I know that I will….

Deep breath, close my eyes and push it all away.  From somewhere deep inside my soul, I find the strength to let go … let go of the noise and the fear … let it all go … I can do anything … and it’s time I proved it … and then I step up to the microphone …

-Colleen With a Poem

-Dawn With a Paintbrush

custom painted Toms by Dawn

via pinterest

So I have tried to come up with a plan.  Yoga. After my divorce 6 years ago I was introduced to yoga through a friend, and I fell in love with this practice.  It really did fill a void for me and made me feel like a whole person again.  And I was fit!  I stuck with it for about a year and then life got in the way and I have rarely participated in the ritual since then.  I have though started a blog and connected with some great people!  So if I can make it a regiman to keep connected with all the blogosphere then why can’t I wake myself up at 6am? and start fresh again with getting fit.

So here a few questions that I have to plan my process.

motherhood is messy & fabulous!

So, allow me to introduce myself…I’m Cheryl and my blog is Motherhood Is Messy and Fabulous Too. My passion is to bring moms together to grow great kids with less mess and more fabulous. When you stop by my blog you will find an honest look at motherhood, tools to help navigate through it, and hopefully you will leave with a bit of advice, encouragement and a sense of a motherhood community.

Alright so lets get started with this week’s Finally Friday Mashup.

Teen Agree

I have a sixteen year old that has only been driving for six months so when I came across this driving app. I really had to stop and take a second look. TeenAgree is an app. which parents can use to monitor their teens driving habits. The app. works through your child’s smart phone on the Android and Apple iphone. For $9.99 a month parent’s can then set up guidelines within the app. to monitor their teens speed limit, and set up a geographic area  in which they are allowed to drive. When the teen leaves the agreed upon area or speeds guess what… you get an alert. And on the Android platform you can even monitor to see if your teen is texting while driving. The TeenAgree website also encourages a written driving contract between parent and teen driver so that the teens are aware of their responsibilities and the consequences of violating the contract.

I know first hand about the worry, and terror if I’m really honest that goes along with having a new teenage driver. Sometimes just waiting for my son to get home by curfew can be excruciating. As a mom all I want is for my son to walk through the door safely. We had  \both of our son’s take extensive driving lessons and we are pretty conservative in our rules about who can be in the car and how far they can drive the first year. That being said I think there is a place for this app. Each family has to decide how to manage a new teen driver’s freedom. Teens have to know the consequences and seriousness of driving and if an added layer of monitoring is needed then add it. But make sure your adding it for the right reasons. An app. is never a substitute for eye to eye real conversation with your teen.

ScreenHunter

Okay, can you say James Bond 007, espionage.  That’s what I felt like the first time I used this amazing free tool called Screen Hunter. You can download a free version of this screen shot software so that you can take a photo of anything on your computer screen. I know, who knew! If you’re creative in anyway whether you scrap book, make videos, have a website or blog you are going to want to use this tool. It’s extremely easy to use. Remember though these screen shots are not your photos so give credit where credit is do.

Photo Credit Lisa McDonald

Quote of the week

I was flipping by Comedy Central on cable Saturday night and heard one of the funniest definitions of what a real women is that I have ever heard. I would love to give credit to the comedian but I don’t know his name and I don’t have the joke down verbatum. But here it goes:

Here’s to all my fellow mamma chics

Make this week fabulous…Cheryl

Single, Dating, Married, It’s Complicated, Committed Relationship or Partners for life, if you have the genitalia that indeed confirms you are of the male species we want to hear from you!! Here at CWAV we have been spouting out the female opinion with fervor and intrigue but what every woman really wants to know is your opinion on things like vajazzling and vatooing<—yeah i didn’t know what the hell it was either!

So heres the jist,

• fill out the form with your answers
• be sure to add your email so we can contact you later
• after submitting check your inbox(check ur spam just in case) for our first Question.

[iphorm id=1 name="Guys With A View"]

-Chics With a View

sunrise

 Sunrise

Cold sand beneath my feet and a cool breeze on my skin that makes me

break into goose bumps down my arms as I sit on the beach

watching the horizon for any hint of light and color.

At first you can barely discern the lighter sky in the east.

It starts as a hint of light that subtly changes to purple and orange.

Another breeze kisses my cheek sending another chill through me as the

color then changes from a deep purple to a pinkish orange and

then to a deep orange to a bright orange to gold as the sun breaches the horizon.

The sun kisses the underside of the clouds it spreads shadows and color across them.

Now, above the horizon, it is a golden disk but the sky

is still painted with hues of pink, purple and mango as though a

painter took his brush to the sky.

As I sit and stare at the painting in the sky I

realized that I never snapped one picture …

-Colleen With a View

blogger types

To summarize Carrie is a highly visual, highly creative blogger, Charlotte of course is everybody’s blogger next door, Miranda is a blogger who lives and breathes by the written word and last but not least is the vibrant Samantha she is the blogger who gets around!  At the end of the post Gigi asks what blogger type are you and does any of these descriptions remind you of someone you know.  Well the first thing I did was characterize myself and then I thought well what are the CWAV writers type?

So that is what this post is about.  Just given the way Kim, Colleen and even Megan write I am able to take the descriptions and almost tag them perfectly!

I’ll start off with myself first!

Dawn is a “Carrie” Blogger

Dawn is a “carrie” blogger obviously because of her passion to make all visual aspects of CWAV the very best!  Her creative spirit keeps her up at night researching the latest tricks and tips that will keep the CWAV blog looking like a new pair of Jimmy Choos!  Dawn's Jimmy Choo

Kim is a “Samantha” Blogger

Kim is definately a “samantha” blogger!  Her famous post “The ABC’s of OMG’s” undeniably sets her in this blogger type.  Kim is social media at its best.  While we struggle to juggle home and work, Kim does it all….at one time…effortlessly! She has impeccable taste and keeps all her twitter and facebook friends up to date with the latest trends and fads all while looking fabulous! Kim's Jimmy Choo

Colleen is a “Charlotte” Blogger

Ah Colleen, she is our “charlotte” next door blogger.  Her poems captivate and inspire us to look deeply at the subjects at hand.  They stay with us long after we leave our computers. Colleen lives her life, all her struggles, fears and accomplishments come through in her words.  She definitely loves to connect with her blogging viewers!  She is lovely in every sense of the term.  Colleen's Jimmy Choo

Megan is a “Miranda” Blogger

Megan is a “miranda” blogger!  (For those of you who have happened on CWAV for the first time Megan, pronounced “m-ee-gan” is our male contributor) Megan is a miranda blogger mainly for the fact that he is the epitome of the written word!  In fact he holds a masters degree in it!  His writing is pure and he doesn’t mind tackling the latest controversial subjects.  Megan is probably in his man cave right now with a beer. Megan's Kenneth Cole

So there you have it.  Hope you have enjoyed. Maybe I’m right about my stereotyping or maybe I’ve lost my mind.  It’s probably the latter!

-Dawn with a Visual View!

melody

 Melody

The music washes over me like rain pouring from the sky, drizzling the tune over me at first then engulfing me in a torrent of notes, beats and emotion. Melody taking me over from within, I can’t help but sway in time with it, heel bouncing on the floor, fingers tapping on my leg.

It doesn’t matter what song it is; if it has a rhythm, then I am overtaken.  I find it is always better to surrender to the sound and let it take me on the journey. The story unfolds with every note.  Before the lyrics even commence, the story has begun.  Sometimes the notes may betray what kind of story it will be  in others, the mixture of melody and words set the stage.

 By now, I am awash in a sea of emotion  feeling each pang of agony, moment of joy, ache of loss and sorrow of betrayal.  The song takes me on a odyssey of the soul, images, words, and music combining to weave a saga that I can no longer escape  I am no longer just listening to the song; I am a part of the tale.  I have become the character in the narration, not acting but living the story.

 As the melody comes to its inevitable end, I sit there wishing the story could go on forever.  By the last note, I am already wanton for more, wanting to replay it over and over until I can feel every nuance.  Sitting back in my chair, I hit “play” and start the voyage over again …

-Colleen with a Voice

The first sound of an air leak:

Before I took my daughter to school I thought wouldn’t it be a lovely gesture to post my husband’s link on learning all about twitter to all my new blogging buddies!  So I traveled over to his site www.thewpnovice.com and nothing would appear<—this is where i later learned this action is called WSOD—> white screen of death!  So I texted him:

this is me texting him

Upon further observation all my other sites were still working so it must be something to do with his site.  So out the door I bolt to take my daughter to school.  Get gas in 30 degree weather or become stranded on side of road in 30 degree weather.  Approxiametly 20 minutes later I arrive home.

The second sound of an air leak:

After getting another cup of coffee plopping myself down at my desk I receive a text…”my site has been hacked…its redirecting to joe blow’s foreign site in Zimbabwe” <— This is where the air slowly leaks out of the balloon and I am left slumping at my desk!  This can’t be happening!  I host two other clients sites on my hosting account plus my blog!!! Chics with a view….surely it hasn’t been compromised…it’s still working!  So I quickly go to my ftp server and look at the php files in CWAV and there it is that nasty little bastard of a virus is in EVERY last php file on every site that I host!  I’m not very pretty when I cry so I will leave this part out.

So I do what any other techie does…I search the forums.  Who else has had this problem and fixed it!  Obviously this is pretty common especially with any Content Management System that runs php files.  Anywho after hours and hours of research I found that this isn’t just a quick fix.  So I called my hosting account and asked them what my options are.  Their reply was oh this sucks but we can easily fix it with a submission support ticket to replace your database with a backup.  So I submitted my ticket and waited and waited and waited.  Around 5 oclock I had enough (wait 24 hours my ass!) thats like having lice and telling someone to wait 24 hours to get rid of it! So I called them up again and guess what…they fixed it while I was on the phone…so reiterate why I had to submit a ticket 8 hours ago.  ARGHHH.

Long story short, if you are wordpress user or any cms like joomla where php files are needed…………………UPDATE YO SHIT!

I’m talking plugins, themes, system updates, stray away from foreign sites that your are not sure about, I’m telling you if I had not caught this in time I would have been up creek without a paddle!

Don’t say

-Dawn with a Rant!

btw…quick update the virus looks begins like this with a bunch of scrambled code following and is embedded usually in the beginning of php files: