It’s a typical hectic morning in this American home. You are a wife and mother moving swiftly through your 6am rituals. Lunches are packed, dog is fed and the kids march half asleep out the door for their awaiting school bus. You check the calendar and realize it is Tuesday as the rush of excitement envelopes your body.
You frantically search the recipe file for THE perfect meal, throw the sheets in the wash and vacuum with a frenzy. For the first time in days you carefully apply make-up and swap out the sweats for a sexy pair of jeans. Keeping the kids occupied is always a challenge but not impossible. A quick purchase for the latest video game should provide for some adult alone time.
It’s 5pm, kids finished their homework and are washed up sitting at the candlelite kitchen table. My husband arrives.
The scenario I described above sounds fairly typical of most homes where the husband’s career involves extensive travel.
Or the scenario can sound something like this:
It’s a typical hectic morning in this American home. You are a wife and mother moving swiftly through your 6am rituals. You give each kid $2.00 for lunch, feed the dog (who just left a present for you on the new carpet) and notice that your 14 year old daughter just walked out of the house with the crack of her ass hanging out. You check the calendar and realize it is Tuesday as the feeling of resentment envelopes your body. You frantically search the phone book for pizza joints, do the sniff test on the sheets and feel they have at least another few days, and pick up fuzzies on the carpet. For the first time in days you consider carefully applying make-up and swapping out the sweats for a sexy pair of jeans, however that rat bastard should SEE how stressed I am! Keeping the kids occupied would allow King Shit to have a little peace and quiet but I say….let him see what I go through on a daily basis! A quick purchase for some high sugar snacks should keep the kids bouncing off the ceiling!
It’s 5pm, kids are fighting, some guy with brow, tongue, lip, cheek and god only knows where else piercings just came to the door looking for your daughter as you sit quietly waiting at the kitchen table with a double scotch in your hand. The asshole finally arrives.
Ok perhaps what really occurs is something in between the two scenarios I described however my bet is that scene two is much more realistic. So what would make a resentful situation like the one painted above become more loving, nuturing and supportive? My thought is maybe a second or third set of hands. Wouldn’t it be great to have another person share in doing the household laundry complete with socks that smell like a block of cheese was left in a 120 degree car, food stains, and unknown stains that should remain unknown? Or a person who shares in the shopping and preparation of meals? Or even a person who takes over for you when your loving husband comes to bed scratches his ass, belches loudly and asks for sex as he rips one under the blanket?
Well TLC has an answer with their reality show called “Sister Wives”. They introduced us to Kody Brown who has 17 children and 4 wives. People all around america tune in on a weekly basis to see a man balance 4 families, complete with their struggles and happy memorable moments.
Curiosity got the best of me…so I had to explore and dig into this further…..
Let’s look at this from both the man’s perspective and the woman’s.
Pro’s for the Polygamist Man
- Sex 7 days a week (when the average marriage involves once per week romps this polyguy could make Tigar Woods green with envy!)
- Homemade meals every night
- Kids attended to
- No room for boredom
- Did I mention sex every night?
Con’s for the Polygamist Man
- FOUR menstrual cycles (not even including any female teens running around)
- It’s illegal
- Exhaustion! (Even the likes of Johnny Holmes would have a “hard” time keeping “up”)
- Did I mention FOUR menstrual cycles?
Pro’s for the Polygamist Woman
- Sex less often
- More hands to help with the kids
- Girls night every night!
- Did I mention less Sex?
Con’s for the Polygamist Woman
- Not many!
- Sharing your “toy” (jealousy)
- Being the only wife with a weight problem (Worse then any other con in my opinion)
- Too many “mothers” mothering your own children
If you are entirely honest with yourself you have a slight twinge of curiosity for this lifestyle..agreed? Ok…if you are like me, we would NEVER embark on such an adventure! Thankfully my fantasy world stays resident in my mind and allows me to live, if only for brief moments, in the lives of others.
As much as every woman in america would desire my belching and balding prince he is ALL mine. So BACK OFF ladies! I’ll live with the inconsiderate gestures, pigheadedness and dirty underwear! Sure the Pro’s for the PolyGal sound pretty damn good, but I don’t want some other b-i-o-t-c-h serving MY man burnt pot roast when I have been doing that just fine for years!
Now that I think about it maybe I’ll treat him twice a week with a fun romp in the ol’hay! Or really freak him out and give him what he has been begging for since the day we were married (silly man…he really thought I would do that again once I hooked him for life?). Yup…just blogging this message about polygamy has my jealous fangs popping out and I just realized how much I absolutely adore my husband.
Because beyond what I have mentioned lies the most remarkable human being I have ever met. Gorgeous blue eyes and a clear loving soul. Polygamy will remain as a realty TV show in my life.
Going to jump off the blog for now….preparing a special meal tonight for my special man. A little make-up, cute pair of jeans and I’ll bribe my daughter with $20 bucks to dissappear in her room for the night. My husband will be thrilled! Plus he’s no dummy…I will have his undivided attention all night as he is smart enought to realize that by tomorrow I will be calling out for pizza and critizing everything he does once again. But he stays, comes home every night regardless of how hostile it may get because his loyalty and love overshadows it all.
One final thought before I go..Polygamy is derived from their religous beliefs, according to Kody Brown. So don’t you find it ironic that Kody and his 4 wives along with the kids had to run from Utah in fear of persecution for polygamy and where do they settle but SIN City (Las Vegas)itself? Let’s hope for you and your polygals sake “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” for real!
-Kim with a View!